Things that are going on in my life right now (because lists are calming):

- Got my passport: it's beautiful and earthly and makes me feel as though I'm falling from a glistening web of longitude and latitude lines in the sky, a la The Adventures of Baron Munchausen. Having never had a passport, I've been looking upon it half pragmatically, as a quiet success, and half moored by its jewel-like status. It was designed to remind the traveller of America back home, which makes me a little misty. I still have half an interest to look into getting a European passport, though. I mean, why not? It may be difficult, but it's theoretically possible. And if I could ever obtain one I could, also theoretically, be granted a work Visa for the countries of the E.U. I have to say that would be a pretty great deal. I mean, no matter how scraggly the job I'd still be aglow, half alive, on the romantic Parisian roads. Right?

- Intense desire. Desire, however, does fade one day. And the more mature and compassionate one is, the more he or she will be able to get through those selfish bouts of desire. Or at least be able to transfer those feelings into something more obtainable (and perhaps more satisfying). I realize I am speaking quite in the abstract, however desire is nothing without its self-serving obscurity. I am also reminded of the concept of joissance, which makes me blush.

- Reading a surreal and imaginative book. Everyone please sit down sometime and pick up a book by Haruki Murakami. I'm on my second one, The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle. What is it about, really? It's difficult to say, for it's about many, many things, almost too many to bear. What I love about his work, though, besides categorizing the mindset of modern life brilliantly (and more specifically, the mindset of the modern Japanese citizen, which relates to and griddles my brain to a point of fascination), is that he pulls at the elements around the individual; the surreal ties that bind one person to another person or thing or idea or history. I am rarely so thoughtful as reading one his books, I'd venture to say. My recommendation for first-time readers is Norwegian Wood, naturally taking place in the 60's, about young 20-somethings and their real yet indescribable love and hatred for themselves and each other. That sounds terribly corny. It's not, though, it's very real, and it really helped me get through a small, confusing point in my life. Cognitive therapy!! I would like to read everything he's written.

- Forcing myself to get up and write in the mornings, results varying. Sometimes I have nothing to say, and my writing widdles out like a slag teenager on a bent wheel. However I did manage to scum up some story about an orphan brought into a wealthy, attractive family. I like these guys, and they are the first things I think of! Bottom line, though, is that this half-asleep engagement is really more of a lesson in discipline for me, and I bet I will find gold in it soon if I make half a case.

- Listening to way too much music. So what else is new? My favorite thing so far: TV on the Radio - Return to Cookie Mountain. Makes me want to rip my clothes off and purr all at the same time. It's like David Bowie being dragged through the mud. Yes, I realize it's a couple of years old, but put it on your headphones and let it take.

- Meeting and making new friends. This one is easy and is always a good thing.

Becoming increasingly resentful of the people in McKinney, TX; starting to become funnier and meaner when referring to them. Sorry, I had a conversation recently belying the physical attributes of the people I see daily, most of whom are nice, some of whom are cool and/or "pretty," like that matters at all, but nearly all of whom put me in the mindset of a Sherwood Anderson story. I'm sure it's the same for most "small towns." Really it's just me being snobbish and immature, which it is my constant task to grow against, but sometimes it's enjoyable to revel in.

- Choosing between two schools in Prague to apply to and getting ready to apply. Seriously, the advent of my passport reconfirmed my big, important plans, which I was banking on. Thank God for Stephen who has done this before me in the same city. But I had a thought the other day, clear and real, that I would actually, truthfully, undyingly go through with this! It makes me happy just thinking about it.

- Going on half-hearted job interviews, with so-far unsuccessful results. Two jobs I wanted, one of which I really, really wanted, I apparently came close, but alas, someone else was more qualified. Yes, I'm feeling a little rejected. But that's knocks. I know there will be others. It's harder telling my friends I didn't get it than facing that rejection. Could it be the same in any other aspects of my life? And if so, what is my overall motivation?

- Missing my dear Jasmine, who came for but a brief weekend: All I need to say I've said. I love her very much.

That's it for now. I guess life is good. Life is always good for an American girl who is loved by her family. Still, I have that French sense of ennui; I want things to be more dynamic; I know they will, but I am waiting, either for outside circumstances or for myself or both. We'll see who wins out soon ;)

One more thing: my sister and I recently did a photoshoot with our lovely photographer friend Brooke. Pictures will come, but in the mean time, here's my favorite live video of the two infamous sisters. You guys remember that summery, catchy, yet rather forgettable song "Turn Me On" by Kevin Little? Yeah, here's a a cover. Yes, they frequently wear mustaches and crossdress. Yes, they may or may not be "incestuous" even though that's rather gimmicky of them. Just roll with it; it's lovely:

yada yada

Hello.

I was straightening my hair and reading Gawker/Jezebel earlier and listening to Stars and thinking about what day to haul myself over to the post office to get a passport and also I was imagining myself as a business executive with a formidable updo and giant earrings (not that I don't already wear giant earrings). What can I say except that I don't have anything else to read that I am able to stomach right now (it's one of those good days where I feel outwardly graceful and inwardly formal) and, after an hour or two of searching for a more well-paying job, I cannot help but think of The Onion's stock career of "Systems Analyst," which makes me smile more than it should. Anyway, on Jezebel I came across your run-of-the-mill female schizophrenia: http://jezebel.com/5324718/the-real-reason-womens-magazines-suck

Some dude relayed his warped view of women through the constant inhalation of these magazines (Elle, Vogue, Cosmo, Don't Fuck Me I'm Not Pretty Enough, etc. etc. etc.) while on the john. He said that although he is currently 27 he didn't even kiss a girl until he was 25, because of these magazines, apparently. I don't believe him. Regardless though, it's true that much of my opinion of gender, for the worse, has been shaped by modern media. But at least with the exception of Vogue, which I was a sucker for through college because of the severe and chilling photos of tight-breasted females in pinstripes and feathers bearing down on some perfect young man, I haven't read any in a while. I just can't. And it's not as if it's a better-than-thou thing or something, I just don't appreciate the inanity. They're stupid. It's not fun, either. Really, it's not. Last time I read Cosmo some article suggested you send your man suggestive texts while he's in an important business meeting. And then while he's working ask him to strip or something. I don't know for sure, but I can't say I'd appreciate this type of behavior if I was the man; it verges on desperation, and forced sexiness as opposed to the genuine kind often makes for a foolish situation.

Now, I'm not going to get into why these magazines are stupid because it's basic and I'm sure the people who don't like them already feel the same way. It's not hard to see that many women want to be taken seriously for their various intellects and accomplishments and yet still remain sometimes crippingly self-conscious about their appearance. And even though we're aware of this draining disorder we see this media touting that behavior as good and healthy and normal. And no it is not just the media that shapes these twisting views; they just confirm them, reinforce them, make sure you do not forget what needs to be done in order to feel whole. Let us gather up the cannons and haul them toward the sky above Helen Gurley Brown's gargantuan mansion.

So

I'm new at this. Well, not at writing. At blogging I guess. It's an ugly word. It sounds square and bulbous. And factory produced. And possibly yuppy. It's not yuppy, is it? I mean, I guess it's pretty universal to "blog" and for it to be specifically yuppy it would have to be about The Left Behind series or Humanism or something. I don't know what I'm talking about.

I suppose it's better that what this um, thing is, is a word like 'blog' with some sort of substance in it, rather than titling it something ambitious and regal like "online penning." Because as we all know, the grander the title the cheaper and crappier it's going to be.

Anyways, all that aside, this is my first blog, besides the ones on myface, which are really just random words strung together in a series. That is what I prefer, though. I'm not really comfortable with public journaling about my personal life, so most likely it will be stuff like that here--ideas I have, and small stories and stuff, especially because, as cool as my new macbook is (I'm trying to be more snobbish about it now), the writing program is kind of annoying and I haven't had motivation to sit down and map out a story. It's not for lack of trying, though. I just need to stagger my apathy so it doesn't effect my responsibility to write. Maybe this will be more effective, somehow.

Truthfully, I don't know what I will write about here. But thanks to Lauren and Olga for the motivation. Here's a video of my favorite singer singing one of my favorite songs. I saw her in concert last month. Ooh, maybe I'll put those pictures up next time. Cheers!