yada yada

Hello.

I was straightening my hair and reading Gawker/Jezebel earlier and listening to Stars and thinking about what day to haul myself over to the post office to get a passport and also I was imagining myself as a business executive with a formidable updo and giant earrings (not that I don't already wear giant earrings). What can I say except that I don't have anything else to read that I am able to stomach right now (it's one of those good days where I feel outwardly graceful and inwardly formal) and, after an hour or two of searching for a more well-paying job, I cannot help but think of The Onion's stock career of "Systems Analyst," which makes me smile more than it should. Anyway, on Jezebel I came across your run-of-the-mill female schizophrenia: http://jezebel.com/5324718/the-real-reason-womens-magazines-suck

Some dude relayed his warped view of women through the constant inhalation of these magazines (Elle, Vogue, Cosmo, Don't Fuck Me I'm Not Pretty Enough, etc. etc. etc.) while on the john. He said that although he is currently 27 he didn't even kiss a girl until he was 25, because of these magazines, apparently. I don't believe him. Regardless though, it's true that much of my opinion of gender, for the worse, has been shaped by modern media. But at least with the exception of Vogue, which I was a sucker for through college because of the severe and chilling photos of tight-breasted females in pinstripes and feathers bearing down on some perfect young man, I haven't read any in a while. I just can't. And it's not as if it's a better-than-thou thing or something, I just don't appreciate the inanity. They're stupid. It's not fun, either. Really, it's not. Last time I read Cosmo some article suggested you send your man suggestive texts while he's in an important business meeting. And then while he's working ask him to strip or something. I don't know for sure, but I can't say I'd appreciate this type of behavior if I was the man; it verges on desperation, and forced sexiness as opposed to the genuine kind often makes for a foolish situation.

Now, I'm not going to get into why these magazines are stupid because it's basic and I'm sure the people who don't like them already feel the same way. It's not hard to see that many women want to be taken seriously for their various intellects and accomplishments and yet still remain sometimes crippingly self-conscious about their appearance. And even though we're aware of this draining disorder we see this media touting that behavior as good and healthy and normal. And no it is not just the media that shapes these twisting views; they just confirm them, reinforce them, make sure you do not forget what needs to be done in order to feel whole. Let us gather up the cannons and haul them toward the sky above Helen Gurley Brown's gargantuan mansion.